Do what feels good.

Trust your intuition.

You deserve a man who treats you right.

I want a juicy steak!

Kevin- reaches out today asking about my day and my weekend. Duh, fucking boring. I lost my interest in him. The momentum is long gone from the moment he cancelled on me and did not reschedule. He reached out today mentioning nothing about meeting again. If he’s really interested, he’d have done the rescheduling. I very quickly dismissed him. He needs to up his fucking game if he wants to see me again.

Elric- history.

Jeff and Shane- silence.

Nash- super sweet. He wanted to see me this weekend but I’m booked this weekend. Hopefully we meet up during the week.

I need more new men! Carry on swiping.

I’m grateful for a great comedy night. I’m grateful for my perfect eyesight. I’m grateful for my perfect hearing. I’m grateful for the yummy lunch I made. I’m grateful for getting home safe.

Do what you feel right.

Believe in your worth. Don’t settle for crumbs. You want the juicy steak!

I soothe myself.

I love myself.

Kevin- cancelled on me at the last minute because his friend was upset and he wanted to cheer her up by having a swim. Looks like he really likes swimming hey! He didn’t mention anything about reschedule. I must admit I was upset when he cancelled on me. I decided to redirect my thought to what belongs to me isn’t going anywhere. If he priorities his friends over me, he isn’t what I want. I’m a high value woman and I deserve to be prioritised. I went for a run in the rain, shouted at crows and sang Bloody Sunday. I needed the bad energy out of my system and it worked. Now I feel so much better. I don’t care whether he comes back or not. If he doesn’t, goodbye. If he does, he needs to earn my trust. I keep reminding myself that I’m finding a great father for my children. It keeps me going.

Nash- he’s sweet. He reaches out daily. So far I’ve enjoyed chatting to him online. I sense he’s a slow person. I check in with myself and remind myself to be patient with him.

Shane- I sense he’s not really serious about dating. He reaches out daily but the questions are pretty boring. Observing.

Jeff- I think he’ll rule himself out pretty soon.

Elric- hasn’t reached out over the weekend.

What I’ve learnt so far is if a man is intentional about finding love, he’d reach out consistently and do his best to keep the conversation going and ask good questions. It’s actually pretty obvious. No need to guess. I only focus on men who reach out consistently and have a quality conversation.

I’m grateful for a good run. I’m grateful for an easy day at work. I’m grateful for my body always telling me what she needs. I’m grateful for the rain. I’m grateful for my hearing.

I really really like myself.

I’m a high quality woman and I know my worth.

I’m not afraid to say what I want and to set boundaries.

I’m finding a good husband for my babies.

I’m pretty sexy.

Kevin- he asked me for a swimming date. I immediately felt uncomfortable so I told him. To his credit, he took it well and agreed for alternative. I’ve never dated a French man but from my experience with French people, they probably don’t think it such a big deal to have a swim on second date. However, I’m not French and I wanna feel comfortable around him. I was a bit worried that he might just ghost me but then I told myself that what is mine isn’t going anywhere. Then I talked to my children that I promise I’m finding them a good papa. It really kept me going. Daily chanting and repeating my pledge really help.

Elric- I think he’s gone. Ah well. Don’t think he’s serious about finding anyone.

Jeff- a turtle type. Very slow. I don’t care.

New men!

Nash- we’ve exchanged couple of messages and he seems keen. He said good night to me and said he wants to keep talking to me tomorrow. That’s sweet. He also seems quality. Observing.

Shane- we’ve exchanged couple of messages. I think he’s sitting on the fence. It’s ok though as there’s plenty of men out there.

I really like my new dating story now. Plenty of quality men online! I just have to be patient and filter in the good ones. I love my new mindset.

I’m grateful for myself. I’m grateful for the quality men online. I’m grateful for an easy day. I’m grateful for my skin care products. I’m grateful for the cooler weather.

What do you think why you saw Ben on rego? I don’t know. Is he coming back? I feel funny to even entertain this idea! We haven’t talked in two years! I don’t know what that meant but I don’t care. I did like him very much but not anymore. I did miss him and our connection but I don’t know. I’ve let him go. I’m moving on.

Jeff- not interested in getting to know me. I think he’ll rule himself out or I’ll rule him out. I deserve a high quality man.

Kevin- still texting.

Elric- I’m getting bored of him.

Today, I saw Jordon again. The butterfly was there! I can’t resist the sexy Irish accent. I know I’m not the only one charmed by Irish accent. I don’t really know Jordon very well but he seems nice and cheerful. Funny thing is I don’t know if I’d swipe right on him. I still much prefer meeting people in real life as I like to feel the energy. Jordan has high energy. However, he looks very young though. Anyway, it’s nice to feel butterflies in my stomach.

I’m grateful for the thunder storms. I’m grateful for the rain. I’m grateful for my yummy dinner. I’m grateful for not worrying about money. I’m grateful for the butterflies in my stomach.

Enjoy enjoy enjoy. Don’t overthink. You’ve never really dated before. So enjoy the dating fun! Enjoy the flirting fun. Just enjoy it and live the moment. You will have what you want but before you get there, you might as well enjoy the process.

I’m still talking to Kevin and Elric.

Elric wanted to ask me out but didn’t have the guts so I let him know if he doesn’t have the guts to ask, then that’s it. So he did ask. We’re in the process of setting up a date.

I need to process my feelings for Kevin. Sometimes I think I take it too seriously. We’ve only met once and who knows what’s gonna happen. It might last it might not. We’re in the unknown. I want to enjoy having someone to text to. I just wanna enjoy the feeling without worrying about the future. Live at the moment!

Two new men.

Jeff- so far very slow but he does ask questions. So will see how it goes. Observing.

Simon- an English. So far a creep. He only answered, never asked. When I was about to give up on him after couple of messages. He wanted to meet. (?!) I told him I’m confused as I assumed he isn’t interested. He then asked if I have high sexual drive as it’s important to him. I replied that I don’t know him well enough to talk about my sexual drive and wish him finding a lady who matches his. He then said we can still meet and chat with a kiss. Hmmm. Interesting. I replied ok. So now I’ll see how it goes. I need to be very careful with this creep though. Just found out he’s got a 22 year old daughter and 18 year old son! And the photos he put on Bumble are old ones. Out he went.

I’m grateful for the cooler evening. I’m grateful for my beautiful skin. I’m grateful for my beautiful eyes. I’m grateful for my epiphany. I’m grateful for my perfect teeth.

Personality matters more than height.

You care what others think. Why?

It’s your relationship, not theirs.

Be open minded. Do not judge.

So far, Kevin reaches out consistently. I’m ashamed to say that I care very much about his height. I’m drawn to taller men and Kevin definitely isn’t tall. I find myself trying to convince myself that shorter men are attractive. And I googled make celebrities’ height!! Argh, I’m so annoyed with myself. I’ll see what happens on our second date. I’m dating him for growth and learn about myself. I’m only dating him not marrying so I’m gonna relax and enjoy the ride.

Elric also reaches out consistently. However, I have no idea what his intention is. I’m not planning to message on app for too long. By the end of the week, if he still hasn’t asked me out, I probably will rule him out.

I went to the Couchsurfing event this evening and had a great time. I find myself trying to talk myself out of it just like yoga. I always try to talk myself out of practising yoga but I always end of practising it. Even for a short 10 minutes is better than nothing. As for going out, I keep coming back to what Matthew says, I can always go home.

I’m grateful for a good day. I’m grateful for for myself. I’m grateful for my confidence. I’m grateful for my group. I’m grateful for the heat.

This is how it should be. Men like me and want to see me again.

Flirting is fun. Use your tools. Use what you’ve learned.

Enjoy the courting. You deserve it!

Nate- ruled himself out. Funny how they just rule themselves out. I don’t even have to do anything. Thank you universe for helping me see clearly.

Kevin- he said he likes me! I knew it. Unlike last time, I didn’t freak out this time. I knew he likes me and it is how it should be. I’m beautiful and irresistible. Of course he likes me. I’m not too sure if I like him. We’ll see on our second date. He asked to see me again. Ahhh, how easy it is to get a second date. It is how it should be. Men want to see me again. They enjoy spending time with me. With Kevin, I somehow am able to manage my emotions. I feel calm and grounded. I didn’t feel the need to say I like him back. He needs to earn it. I think revisiting the course and daily chanting really do the tricks for me.

Elric- we’re still exchanging messages. So far I find him interesting and he asks questions. I’m counting on him asking me out this week. I’ll give him Saturday.

Both Kevin and Elric are French. That is very interesting as I’ve never really attracted to French men. I’m interested in seeing how my love life unfold. And who is the next man?

I’m grateful for finishing work on time. I’m grateful for the support from my colleagues. I’m grateful for my flirting skills come back. I’m grateful for my super yummy dinner. I’m grateful for a good night.

Even when it’s a rehearsal, do the best.

Practise all your tools.

You’re an irresistible woman.

You can’t go back to fix the past, learn from it and move forward.

If he really likes you, he’d make it known.

He’s not that special. If you can find one, you can find another.

Don’t worry so much. You’re not gonna hurt his feelings. You’re not responsible for his feelings. Stay at present. You don’t really know him.

Benny- ruled himself out. Bye bye.

Scott- boring as fuck. I tried to make connections and ask him questions but he only answered. Later on asked what’s my night going!!!!! I guess I can’t make a dead fish come alive. Out he goes.

Oliver- I ruled him out for the second time. There will be no third.

New men.

Elric- the energy I feel is he lacks confidence and uses funny language to disguise. We exchanged couple of messages. Observing…

Nate- no comment so far as his first message is hey. So I heyed back. Then he asked my week started off. Late message, I’ll reply tomorrow. Observing.

Kevin- We moved to text over the phone. So far so good. We flirt back and forth. Predictably, he used yoga to make connection. I still have no butterflies. Just calmness. Never experienced anything like this before. I guess it’s good? My coach said instant connection or intense chemistry never lasts long. So we’ll see.

I’m still swiping. I’m not giving up.

Oh, I started self hypnosis since yesterday. Interesting. My mind still wonders.

I keep thinking about what Matthew says, sometimes we have to be ruthless when choosing partner because if I’m hanging on to the wrong one for too long, the right one can’t appear.

Debbie also said she ended it quite fast if she can sense it won’t last long.

Yes. It is a business now. Not quality, not showing enough interests. Out.

You’re doing great. I’m proud of you.

Don’t think about the outcome. Enjoy the journey.

Enjoy meeting new people. Enjoy meeting new men.

Enjoy the date. You need to date more. Dating is fun.

I want you to have enough fun before settling down.

Date for growth.

So as I predicted, boring Oliver does nothing when I stopped interviewing him. Sometimes oh I wonder why he’s single! I’m gonna do absolutely nothing with him. He can just be there as a background.

Benny. Also quiet as fuck. I think he ruled himself out. Adiós amigo… dating a father is never my cup of tea anyway.

Scott. Seriously a weirdo. After some silence, he suddenly texted me the ever so classic ‘how was your weekend?’ I absolutely hate it!!!!! I want to reply, do you actually care? But I don’t wanna be rude. I’ll think of a compassionate reply tomorrow. I’ll see how things go with this weirdo.

Kevin. We met this afternoon. Very short notice but since neither of us got any plans, I agreed. I dressed nicely with makeup, earrings and bracelet. He on the other hand, wore T-shirt, a pair of board shorts and thongs. He maybe thought he was going to the beach? I think he was a bit surprised to see me dressed so nicely. But maybe it’s just my interpretation. Whatever. I enjoy dressing up. The date went quite well. In fact, it was the first time I went on a first date not feeling overly nervous. I even listened to Rachel’s podcast on the way there. I think it was because I went with the mindset of meeting new people. Also, he isn’t exactly my type so I went with zero, nada, expectations. After I got home, I texted him saying I enjoyed spending time with him. Then he gave me his number. I didn’t wanna initiate the text so I gave him my number. He then texted me later. I didn’t have the desire to go to fantasy land with him. I don’t fancy him for sure. I think for now, I wanna practise my tools. Maybe a bit harsh to say this but I feel like he’s just a rehearsal for the real one that is coming along soon. I feel like the universe is preparing me now. I find chanting my mantra and reading out the pledge really help get the messages ink to my brain. I also read my lesson prior to meeting him and that helped greatly. Coz before I walked to him, I reaffirmed that I’m lovable and I’m a high value woman.

So far so good. I’m pretty happy with how I presented myself in this date.

I’m grateful for this morning’s coaching call. I’m grateful for my body. I’m grateful for my ability to stay grounded. I’m grateful for the universe. I’m grateful for being happy.

How do you be compassionate while expressing your needs?

Remember your worth. Don’t fall back to frustration. Create a win win situation.

Be calm and grounded. You can do it.

Be playful. Don’t think about the outcome.

So some men disappeared and some stay.

Oliver stays. But as before, he’s so fucking boring. Barely asks me questions, only answers. Works a lot so he doesn’t have time to travel. He works a lot because otherwise he feels bored. That makes sense as he’s a boring person. After all the interviewing, I decided to stop interviewing him. I’m on bumble to make friends and find love, not to practise my interviewing skills. Let’s see what happens now I stop initiating.

Scott. I started to think he’s a fraud. I don’t think he’s a life coach like he said. At least not from what I’ve experienced so far. I have the feeling that he’ll fade out.

Benny. A father of one. I normally don’t engage with single fathers as I want my own kids but he seems nice, I thought I’d give it a try. But then he stopped messaging. Ah well. Might as well.

Kevin. A French. So far so good. He seems interesting and does ask questions.

I started revisiting my lesson again as I needed it. It’s all about mindset. I’m a scared woman. I’m so comfortable being single so subconsciously, I actually don’t want a relationship. That’s why I’m pushing men away. I’ve been trying to resist the temptation to unmatch men when I get frustrated. So far I think I’m doing well. If it was me before, I’d have already unmatched Olive, Scott and Benny. I’m proud that I tried to get the conversation going. However, when the man behaves like a dead fish, no amount of effort is going work. And it’s not worth it anyway. Besides, I deserve to be treated as a high value woman. I have a lot to give. They don’t have to do much, just shows interest and engages in the conversation but they don’t.

Tomorrow I’ll decide if I’m letting them go.

I’m grateful for a relaxing day. I’m grateful for my dating course. I’m grateful for my efforts. I’m grateful for the men I’m talking to as they show me what a high quality man shouldn’t be. I’m grateful for my healthy body.