This is how it should be. Men like me and want to see me again.

Flirting is fun. Use your tools. Use what you’ve learned.

Enjoy the courting. You deserve it!

Nate- ruled himself out. Funny how they just rule themselves out. I don’t even have to do anything. Thank you universe for helping me see clearly.

Kevin- he said he likes me! I knew it. Unlike last time, I didn’t freak out this time. I knew he likes me and it is how it should be. I’m beautiful and irresistible. Of course he likes me. I’m not too sure if I like him. We’ll see on our second date. He asked to see me again. Ahhh, how easy it is to get a second date. It is how it should be. Men want to see me again. They enjoy spending time with me. With Kevin, I somehow am able to manage my emotions. I feel calm and grounded. I didn’t feel the need to say I like him back. He needs to earn it. I think revisiting the course and daily chanting really do the tricks for me.

Elric- we’re still exchanging messages. So far I find him interesting and he asks questions. I’m counting on him asking me out this week. I’ll give him Saturday.

Both Kevin and Elric are French. That is very interesting as I’ve never really attracted to French men. I’m interested in seeing how my love life unfold. And who is the next man?

I’m grateful for finishing work on time. I’m grateful for the support from my colleagues. I’m grateful for my flirting skills come back. I’m grateful for my super yummy dinner. I’m grateful for a good night.

Even when it’s a rehearsal, do the best.

Practise all your tools.

You’re an irresistible woman.

You can’t go back to fix the past, learn from it and move forward.

If he really likes you, he’d make it known.

He’s not that special. If you can find one, you can find another.

Don’t worry so much. You’re not gonna hurt his feelings. You’re not responsible for his feelings. Stay at present. You don’t really know him.

Benny- ruled himself out. Bye bye.

Scott- boring as fuck. I tried to make connections and ask him questions but he only answered. Later on asked what’s my night going!!!!! I guess I can’t make a dead fish come alive. Out he goes.

Oliver- I ruled him out for the second time. There will be no third.

New men.

Elric- the energy I feel is he lacks confidence and uses funny language to disguise. We exchanged couple of messages. Observing…

Nate- no comment so far as his first message is hey. So I heyed back. Then he asked my week started off. Late message, I’ll reply tomorrow. Observing.

Kevin- We moved to text over the phone. So far so good. We flirt back and forth. Predictably, he used yoga to make connection. I still have no butterflies. Just calmness. Never experienced anything like this before. I guess it’s good? My coach said instant connection or intense chemistry never lasts long. So we’ll see.

I’m still swiping. I’m not giving up.

Oh, I started self hypnosis since yesterday. Interesting. My mind still wonders.

I keep thinking about what Matthew says, sometimes we have to be ruthless when choosing partner because if I’m hanging on to the wrong one for too long, the right one can’t appear.

Debbie also said she ended it quite fast if she can sense it won’t last long.

Yes. It is a business now. Not quality, not showing enough interests. Out.

You’re doing great. I’m proud of you.

Don’t think about the outcome. Enjoy the journey.

Enjoy meeting new people. Enjoy meeting new men.

Enjoy the date. You need to date more. Dating is fun.

I want you to have enough fun before settling down.

Date for growth.

So as I predicted, boring Oliver does nothing when I stopped interviewing him. Sometimes oh I wonder why he’s single! I’m gonna do absolutely nothing with him. He can just be there as a background.

Benny. Also quiet as fuck. I think he ruled himself out. Adiós amigo… dating a father is never my cup of tea anyway.

Scott. Seriously a weirdo. After some silence, he suddenly texted me the ever so classic ‘how was your weekend?’ I absolutely hate it!!!!! I want to reply, do you actually care? But I don’t wanna be rude. I’ll think of a compassionate reply tomorrow. I’ll see how things go with this weirdo.

Kevin. We met this afternoon. Very short notice but since neither of us got any plans, I agreed. I dressed nicely with makeup, earrings and bracelet. He on the other hand, wore T-shirt, a pair of board shorts and thongs. He maybe thought he was going to the beach? I think he was a bit surprised to see me dressed so nicely. But maybe it’s just my interpretation. Whatever. I enjoy dressing up. The date went quite well. In fact, it was the first time I went on a first date not feeling overly nervous. I even listened to Rachel’s podcast on the way there. I think it was because I went with the mindset of meeting new people. Also, he isn’t exactly my type so I went with zero, nada, expectations. After I got home, I texted him saying I enjoyed spending time with him. Then he gave me his number. I didn’t wanna initiate the text so I gave him my number. He then texted me later. I didn’t have the desire to go to fantasy land with him. I don’t fancy him for sure. I think for now, I wanna practise my tools. Maybe a bit harsh to say this but I feel like he’s just a rehearsal for the real one that is coming along soon. I feel like the universe is preparing me now. I find chanting my mantra and reading out the pledge really help get the messages ink to my brain. I also read my lesson prior to meeting him and that helped greatly. Coz before I walked to him, I reaffirmed that I’m lovable and I’m a high value woman.

So far so good. I’m pretty happy with how I presented myself in this date.

I’m grateful for this morning’s coaching call. I’m grateful for my body. I’m grateful for my ability to stay grounded. I’m grateful for the universe. I’m grateful for being happy.

How do you be compassionate while expressing your needs?

Remember your worth. Don’t fall back to frustration. Create a win win situation.

Be calm and grounded. You can do it.

Be playful. Don’t think about the outcome.

So some men disappeared and some stay.

Oliver stays. But as before, he’s so fucking boring. Barely asks me questions, only answers. Works a lot so he doesn’t have time to travel. He works a lot because otherwise he feels bored. That makes sense as he’s a boring person. After all the interviewing, I decided to stop interviewing him. I’m on bumble to make friends and find love, not to practise my interviewing skills. Let’s see what happens now I stop initiating.

Scott. I started to think he’s a fraud. I don’t think he’s a life coach like he said. At least not from what I’ve experienced so far. I have the feeling that he’ll fade out.

Benny. A father of one. I normally don’t engage with single fathers as I want my own kids but he seems nice, I thought I’d give it a try. But then he stopped messaging. Ah well. Might as well.

Kevin. A French. So far so good. He seems interesting and does ask questions.

I started revisiting my lesson again as I needed it. It’s all about mindset. I’m a scared woman. I’m so comfortable being single so subconsciously, I actually don’t want a relationship. That’s why I’m pushing men away. I’ve been trying to resist the temptation to unmatch men when I get frustrated. So far I think I’m doing well. If it was me before, I’d have already unmatched Olive, Scott and Benny. I’m proud that I tried to get the conversation going. However, when the man behaves like a dead fish, no amount of effort is going work. And it’s not worth it anyway. Besides, I deserve to be treated as a high value woman. I have a lot to give. They don’t have to do much, just shows interest and engages in the conversation but they don’t.

Tomorrow I’ll decide if I’m letting them go.

I’m grateful for a relaxing day. I’m grateful for my dating course. I’m grateful for my efforts. I’m grateful for the men I’m talking to as they show me what a high quality man shouldn’t be. I’m grateful for my healthy body.

I’m feeling calm and at peace and I want men to feel the same.

Remember my uniqueness. There’s only one me and that’s my biggest asset.

Be compassionate. Lead by example.

Remember your worth. Always!

So Jeremy didn’t reply and the time ran out. Ah well. I did my best. Couple of men also didn’t reply and let the time run out. I can’t even remember their names anyway. I know I did my best and I refuse to take it personally.

Three men replied though.

Oliver- I believe I messaged him before but then I removed him as he didn’t show much enthusiasm and kinda oozing out low energy. I’m curious about how it goes this time round. I don’t care if we’re gonna meet.

Gareth- hmmm, not the type I’d usually message but I wanna see how it goes. Besides, I wanna practise being curious and how to flirt. So far, I don’t care if we’re gonna meet.

Scott- seems like a decent man. Works as a firework displayer and a life coach. I noticed I started going to fantasy land so I really have to keep checking in with myself and see things as they are. Also, stay at present. I also noticed he doesn’t ask me questions. Normally this situation would piss me off and I’d remove him. But let’s see! I wanna lead by example.

I’m pretty pleased with myself so far. Daily chanting and meditate does help calm me down and keep me grounded. I now think before I reply.

At one of my clients, the carer is from Ireland and I kinda find him attractive. But every time I see him, we’re in a work environment so I have to be professional and only talk about the client. I wonder if I’ll ever bump into him outside of work?

I love the feeling of finding someone attractive. Butterfly in my stomach!

I know I’m meeting the love of my life soon as this time, I’m committed to it and to myself. I’m gonna make myself proud!

I’m grateful for the clean floor. I’m grateful for the summer. I’m grateful for my muscular legs. I’m grateful for pain free life. I’m grateful for myself.

Every passing day means I’m one day closer to meet the love of my life to build a loving family.

Keep up the good energy. Remember the feeling when you have what you want. You feel calm and grounded. You feel at peace.

You deserve to have what you want. Keep going. Don’t give up.

Do it everyday no matter what.

I’m changing my mindset now and I’m gonna stick to this new mindset. Journaling is a good way to remind myself.

So today I have a new match on Bumble, Jeremy. I read what he wrote on his profile and complimented him accordingly. I feel when I give my best, if it’s not working or he’s not replying, I’m ok with that. If he replies, then I’ll think about the next step. I’m doing it day by day. I’m practising getting to know the man and flirt with them online. I’m not worrying about whether we’re gonna meet.

I just went to check on Bumble and suddenly I have four new matches. I’m following the new method now. See what it’ll bring me.

Bugger! Had to remove one match as he’s a smoker. It’s one of my non negotiables. No smokers.

I’m grateful for my perfect health. I’m grateful for the rain. I’m grateful for my work. I’m grateful for Jenna Kutcher. I’m grateful for my hearing.

Up until now, I had been unlucky in love. I had my first kiss when I was 25 in San Francisco. My first boyfriend at 29. My first intercourse at 30. A late bloomer they say. I’ve been searching for the love of my life for a very long time. This year I’m 40. I had my second proper boyfriend at the age of 35. Both of my proper relationships were short lived. First one a month, and the second one 6 weeks. I’ll talk about my previous relationships later.

I’ve been doing online dating for over a year, so far, most dates stayed at first. None proceed to third. Why? I wonder. They’re not my match! Bill the journalist lacks confidence. And he talks non stop. Over the phone, he sounds relax and intelligent but in person, I could hardly hear anything he says coz he just mumbling and mumbling. It drives me crazy. Heath from Mackay makes me very uncomfortable on our second date. The way he talks about his colleagues is so arrogant. With his bogan accent, I couldn’t stand it.

Now I know I live in Australia but I don’t find Australian accent attractive. I can handle refined Australian accent but the bogan one, a huge turn off.

Today, my Bumble match became zero. Men unmatched me as well as I unmatched them. I felt very down when this guy, Jason I think, unmatched me as I think we had something in common. However, something in him makes me uneasy. I think it’s how he described ebooks being crappy. I disagreed with him. A book is a book regardless the form. The context is the most important thing. He said he acknowledged crappy is a strong word but didn’t apologise. He then processed to argue with me about why physical books is better. I didn’t want to argue so I proposed agree to disagree. We exchanged a few messages on the first day and none in day 2. Today is day 3 as I thought I might drop him a line, he was long gone. Although I wasn’t particularly interested in him, it hit me. Why? My ego! My bloody ego. I want men to show interest and initiate. Why do they wait for me to initiate when I have already initiate the first message? Maybe he’s just not interested. Maybe he’s gay. Maybe he’s found someone. Whatever the reason, he’s not my match. I move on. Nothing good coming out on dwelling on it.

To cheer myself up, I listened to podcasts. I like what this lady says. Have very little exception when online dating so I don’t get hurt easily. Matthew also said, don’t get upset over someone hasn’t even met me yet coz they don’t know what a high value woman I am. They have no idea what they’ve just missed. It’s true. This Jason guy, I don’t even know if his name is actually Jason or his age. He’s just a blur in my memory and I was upset over a blur person. How stupid is that. Didn’t I make the agreement of Never taking things personally and Don’t make assumption. I don’t know him at all. I don’t know why he unmatched me. He has his reason and it’s got nothing to do with me.

I can’t stand men asking me how’s my day, weekend, my plan for the weekend…. I find them sooooo fucking boring. It’s like they have nothing better to say and they brain fills with air. It’s a huge turn off. I know I’m being judgemental but really, couldn’t they come up with something interesting. Like read my profile and say something about my profile.

I like intelligent man. My dating coach said, intelligence can’t give me a loving family, kindness and compassion can. I disagreed. I can have them all. I know plenty of men are intelligent, kind and compassionate. Do I want a kind and compassionate man but dumb and air headed? No. I want a man who strives to better himself as well as kind and compassionate.

Anyway, after work, I had my daily meditation and felt so much better. The universe is always talking to me. I know I’m on my way to meet my husband with whom we’ll form a loving family.