Today wasn’t my day. Scratched the company car again despite being very careful. Very annoyed with myself. Then came home found out another leaking in spare bedroom. Mould was already there. So pissed off with that bloody Louw. Useless piece of shit. I hate him!!!

After a good cry, I felt much better. I still cooked my dinner and prepared lunch while crying. Pretty proud of myself as I’d usually not eat at all. Had a chat with Krys afterwards. I have friends. Raeeka tried to help with use tools but I wasn’t in the mood at all. I just wanted to cry and felt sorry for myself. I don’t wanna use any fucking tools.

Dreamt of shit overflow. Time to stop all the bullshit stories I feed myself.

Love myself more!

I absolutely hated this morning’s coaching call. I hate my feelings being compared to others worse than me. It’s like my feelings don’t count. I hate it when she said then don’t date. Fuck her! If I don’t date, you should give my money back. I’m sick of talking about dating. I’m sick of it!!!!!!!!

I wanna kill her!

Had a good cry today while reading Rachel’s book. Another good cry while doing yoga. I feel much better now. My body has the ability to heal herself. I trust her. I trust myself.

I’m lucky I have a job and I’m healthy enough to go to work.

Arielle left for her forever home. Happy for her. I don’t know if I’m ready for another foster cat. I enjoy having my old life back. Nice and quiet.

I feel very alone. I hate it when the ceiling is leaking water as I don’t feel safe. I feel that I have no one to talk to. I constantly want to talk to someone. I feel I’m nagging a lot. I don’t like my job anymore. I hate the management. I hate it that I didn’t get that job with St. Vincent’s. I hate it that I can’t work in the ward in St. Vincent’s. I feel so behind. What exactly do I want for my life? I wanna study Ayurveda but I’m putting it off. I feel like I work do much for what? I hate online dating. I hate those boring men. I hate it when I’m not heard. I don’t know what I want. I want children and this is sure.

Spoke to QBCC this morning and learnt how to collect evidence. A learning curve.

I really wanna change job. Maybe I should start studying Ayurveda.

Had a day off today to relax but not a relaxing day at all. Found leakage from my kitchen ceiling and the water damaged the kitchen cupboard. Called Body Corp and the builder and neither of them wanted to do anything! Talked to Albert and he advised me to take legal action if needed. I feel much better now as I felt like a bad person when I wanted to be firm. Went dancing Toni and I really didn’t wanna associate with some men. I don’t like dancing with them as they’re rough. Dancing can really tell a person.

Watched Cirque du Soleil today and was very impressed. Not wonder it’s world class circus. Well worth the money.

I saw Jerome and Johanna today. I’m a bit jealous. Johanna is beautiful, no wonder Jerome likes her. Then another voice told me, I’ll find a man that is for me. And he’ll think I’m beautiful. But first, I need to think of myself as beautiful.