I’m so tired.

Really proud of myself for standing on my ground and adhere my boundaries.

Listen to music makes me happy.

Nada.

I’ve decided not to reply to Byron as I’m very sure that he’s not serious about this online dating thing. He just wants to chitchat, never wants to meet. Not even a phone conversation. I refuse to feel guilty not replying. I have every right not responding and so do the men.

The most important relationship I have is with myself. How I talk to myself really matters. My body can self heal. No matter what the doctors or static says, I believe what I believe. I believe Anita, Bruce, Joe and Peter.

I commit to loving myself. I commit to take things easy. All is well in my world. I’m realistic. I expect miracles. I can total heal myself. I refuse to let the doctor scare me. My body has the ability to self heal and it shows me over and over. I believe my body. I love my body.

Today wasn’t my day. Scratched the company car again despite being very careful. Very annoyed with myself. Then came home found out another leaking in spare bedroom. Mould was already there. So pissed off with that bloody Louw. Useless piece of shit. I hate him!!!

After a good cry, I felt much better. I still cooked my dinner and prepared lunch while crying. Pretty proud of myself as I’d usually not eat at all. Had a chat with Krys afterwards. I have friends. Raeeka tried to help with use tools but I wasn’t in the mood at all. I just wanted to cry and felt sorry for myself. I don’t wanna use any fucking tools.

Dreamt of shit overflow. Time to stop all the bullshit stories I feed myself.

Love myself more!

I absolutely hated this morning’s coaching call. I hate my feelings being compared to others worse than me. It’s like my feelings don’t count. I hate it when she said then don’t date. Fuck her! If I don’t date, you should give my money back. I’m sick of talking about dating. I’m sick of it!!!!!!!!

I wanna kill her!