Last month of the year! I’m gonna make this month memorable. I’m not gonna worry about anything for a whole month. I’m gonna buy whatever I want because I want it and I can afford it.

Thank you body for being healthy. Thank you eyes for being clear. Thank you thyroid for being healthy. Thank you breasts for being healthy. Thank you hair for being healthy.

Talking to two men. Unmatched one man as he showed absolutely no effort in engaging a conversation. As time goes on, I have very low tolerance for men who make no effort whatsoever. I don’t know why they’re on dating apps if they don’t wanna talk. I guess same applies to women. However, I did my best and had absolutely no regrets unmatch him. Can’t even remember his name.

The two men I’m talking to, one makes effort and the other one makes only very little effort. I was a bit annoyed when he only answers questions but really, it’s got nothing to do with me, it’s all about him. He probably doesn’t know what he wants. I thought about promoting him but no. I’m a high quality woman and deserve a high quality man.

First day of period. I can feel my mood lifting. I don’t feel the best but I’m glad.

Started talking to Scott. So far I like him. Interesting man. I remind myself to collect data and with no attachment to any outcome. Just getting to know him.

I think maybe deep down, I don’t think I deserve love. Maybe that’s why when cats show affection to me, I get annoyed and push them away. I can easily get affection from cats. I can also easily get affection from children but I choose to reject them as I don’t wanna be stereotyped.

I don’t understand myself sometimes. Today a man showed disrespect to me and it really bothered me. I know it’s got nothing to do with me, all about him but I still felt how dare of him! What an ugly person yet he thinks he can ask me to drive down to watch a movie with him! After only two bloody conversations! What the fuck. What a fucking pig. Doesn’t show respect towards women at all. How pity of him. Ugly ugly fucking ugly. He can go fuck himself.

So glad that I vented it out as I’m sick of ugly stupid entitled men. What kind of upbringing for them to behave this way? Must be very unhappy with themselves.

Anyway, focus on myself. I want children and I like children. I just don’t like all of them. I don’t need to like all of them. I know I’ll be a good mum. I deserve a good man.

I remember the other day in the shop. A nice looking man walked in and immediately I avoided eye contact. I wanted to be invisible. I didn’t want to be seen. What if he’s married?

Well, so what if he’s married. I can still be kind and friendly.

Had a good meditation. I love the feeling of my body feeling healthy. My thyroid is healthy. My breasts are healthy. My eyes are clear.

I love coming home to my husband. I love hugging him. I love snuggle up with him. I love him.

Had a good afternoon nap.

Finished my mini holiday. I now know exactly what kind of accommodation I want in the future. A great view is a must!

Went to visit William on my way home. He still remembers me. Still very sweet. I almost wanted to adopt him but I love fostering.

Finished mindhunter. Really enjoyed the show.

Starting my mini holiday and I felt miserable. I keep comparing this accommodation to the previous one. I just love the previous one so much that I feel this one is a bit of let down. I want to be grateful that stay in the moment but my mind keeps wishing that I was back to the previous accommodation. Why couldn’t I just be happy for what I have?

Also, I’m really not sure if I wanna keep learning dancing. I feel like I’ve reached to a point where I wanna try something new. Something entirely different.

Dancing used to make me so happy but not anymore. I keep comparing myself to others and my inner voice keeps saying that no one wants to dance with me. They only say yes because they feel sorry for me. But really, what do I know. I’m not a mind reader and I’ve been making all these thoughts up.

Also, why do I care those who don’t wanna dance with me. Coz there’s people who want to dance with me.

I guess because I feel sorry for the people I don’t wanna dance with.

Anyway, dancing doesn’t make me happy anymore. I think it’s time to part ways.

Attended the workshop today and I couldn’t keep my eyes off that man. I’m struggling as he’s most definitely my type and I don’t think he’s a man who wants to settle. I’m not even sure if he likes me.

Anyway, I found out he lives in Brisbane and has danced for three years.

I also found out that he isn’t interested in me.