There’re quality men everywhere!

Lovely lovely weather.

I’m so loved by the universe.

I’m a great nurse and I’m friendly. Today I finished Jim’s week 8 and learn that everything is my interpretation. If I can interpret it in a bad way, I can also interpret it in a good way.

There’re so many people in the world. I’ll find him.

Let go of control. Surrender and allow the universe to take care of me. I’m safe.

International nurse day today.

I think my hyperthyroidism has come back. I was so upset when I noticed my heart rate started racing last night. Had a good cry this morning and I feel better already. Not as tired as before. The so called premenopausal signs are actually the symptoms of hyperthyroidism. Mood swings. Feeling hot in winter. Losing weight. Lose appetite. For some reason, once I realised it’s hyperthyroidism playing up, I accepted it and started taking tables.

Yes. It has come back but how lucky of me that there’s medicine available for me to make me more comfortable. I do not want to take medication but it’s helping me. I can deal with it. Let go of control.

Today my doctor told me I show sign of early menopause and I was in shock. My first thought was am I still gonna have my twins? I really want to have children but why. I think it’s because I don’t wanna die alone. But having kids doesn’t promise not dying alone as things could happen to them.

I think I wanna have someone to look after me when I’m very old. I see so many old people without family members and it’s sad. They have no one. But it’s a very selfish thinking. Also, no one can promise that they’ll look after me when I’m old. They might die before me and it’s gonna be sad.

I think the best option is to look after myself well. And to allow the universe provide me with best interest. I no longer want to control things as nothing is under my control. I didn’t think I’d be this sad and uncomfortable. I’ve been crying a lot for no obvious reasons. Why? At the doctor’s, I think it’s because he really cares for me. I think I need human connection. I always feel better when I’m at work. I also haven’t been to the nature for a really long time. I stay in because I really wanna finish my course. I need some break. I think this nurse immuniser job really tires me out. I’m glad it’s almost over and I can relax. Once I get my cannulation certificate, I wanna apply for HITH job. I need to relax and let go. I’m so stiff. I’m also so judgemental.

Beautiful.