Today my doctor told me I show sign of early menopause and I was in shock. My first thought was am I still gonna have my twins? I really want to have children but why. I think it’s because I don’t wanna die alone. But having kids doesn’t promise not dying alone as things could happen to them.
I think I wanna have someone to look after me when I’m very old. I see so many old people without family members and it’s sad. They have no one. But it’s a very selfish thinking. Also, no one can promise that they’ll look after me when I’m old. They might die before me and it’s gonna be sad.
I think the best option is to look after myself well. And to allow the universe provide me with best interest. I no longer want to control things as nothing is under my control. I didn’t think I’d be this sad and uncomfortable. I’ve been crying a lot for no obvious reasons. Why? At the doctor’s, I think it’s because he really cares for me. I think I need human connection. I always feel better when I’m at work. I also haven’t been to the nature for a really long time. I stay in because I really wanna finish my course. I need some break. I think this nurse immuniser job really tires me out. I’m glad it’s almost over and I can relax. Once I get my cannulation certificate, I wanna apply for HITH job. I need to relax and let go. I’m so stiff. I’m also so judgemental.
Journey to finding love within 