Only when I’m happy now, I can be happy when I meet my man.

I have a lot that I can freely give out to others.

There’s plenty to go around. Many quality men out there and one of them is mine.

I had a good New Year’s Day. I went to a meetup and then finally made dumplings. They taste so good.

This year, my goal is to meditate daily and be able do splits. Also, love myself so much like my life depends on it!

Met Fred on a speed dating event on Thursday and we matched. We exchanged text messages and flirted a lot. I realised he’s only 30. Eleven years younger than me. He doesn’t care and neither do I. We saw each other on Sunday and held hands and kissed.

Now he’s eager for sex. I’m attracted to him physically but not emotionally. I only want to have sex with a man when I feel emotionally connected to him. I only wanna have sex with my boyfriend. What’s the point of having sex with a man I’m dating? I love the emotionally connection. I feel that when I’m emotionally connected to a man, I can enjoy sex more freely. We said goodbye as he insisted on sex before relationship.

Although I’ve always wanted sex after relationship, I find myself trying to find a reason to compromise myself to please him. What the hell is wrong with me? It reminds me of Leigh and the birth control pills. I didn’t wanna take the pills but to please him, I took them anyway. And look what happened, he still left me.

I wanna do things that make me happy. I’d love to have sex with Fred if I was looking for casual sex but I’m not. He said he likes to go with the flow and whatever happens happens. I really wanna respect myself this time. I wanna do things for myself. We’ve only dated once and this conversation already came up. He even invited me over to his place for the second date. I don’t think we know each other very well. I want to be courted. I went to be taken care of. I want him to want to know me more. I want him to take me out on a date. I want him to plan the date. I want him to drive to me. I want him to woo me.

The bloody Fred didn’t do any of that. He let me paid for my own meal and entree. After we held hands, he let me pay for our dessert. He didn’t offer to pay or say thank you. Not a fucking thing. This is the first time in my life that I paid for a man on the first date. I’m happy to pay for my own meal but definitely not his.

It’s truly clear now that he might be a match physically. However, emotionally, we’re not.

Now I know that I can flirt and flirt is fun. I also know that I’m attractive and I’m a lot more confident than when I was with Leigh. Most importantly, my body remembers how to kiss!

I’m proud of myself.

The animal today is bat. It means let go of the old habit and embrace new beginning! Love it.

I’m ready. Be patient. Have strong faith in me and yourself. Your husband is coming to you. He’s going to be your soulmate. It’s gonna be fun and challenging. I’ll be with you always. Believe in me and yourself. You’re absolutely lovable.

A man purposed for BWF. I said no and he tried to persuade me. How funny! It means I’m sexually attractive.

I decided to ask Guan Yin for help after watching Anita. Guan Yin asked if I’m ready for my husband and children. I said I’m ready although a bit anxious and scared. I believe having a family is like most things in my life, I’ll find a way to deal with conflicts. I’ll find a way to adapt into a new life. I’m ready.

I feel defeated as I’ve been ghosted over and over. I’m so over it and really wanna give up. How many ghosting do I have to endure before my man comes along. What are you trying to teach me higher self? To have an unshakable belief that I’m lovable. To overcome the fear of abandonment. Why do I wanna feel defeated over those cowardly men. If they have no courage telling me that we’re not a match, they won’t be a good life partner. I knew I had done the same thing before ghosting others. I won’t do it again. It’s a horrible feeling being ghosted.

So what if the men decided to ghost me? It says more about them than me. I want a partner who is brave and committed. I want him to stick around instead of running away when things get hard coz they will.

I’ll see him! I know it. I do this for myself. My future self will love me. My future self depends on me. I can do it.

Remember my worth.

I’m a good woman. I’m committed. I’m supportive. I’m grounded. I can bring love to the family.

Don’t worry. Be happy.

Everything is gonna be alright.

Every thing is gonna be alright.

I’m glad I finished all dives. I’m proud of myself.