I felt a bit annoyed at the low quality men online. Why was I being annoyed? Because I deserve better. So why was I being annoyed? Because I want to be respected. Why was I being annoyed? Because I’ve worked hard on myself and I don’t wanna see those shitty men.

Why did I have the annoying feeling? Because I’m tired. I give myself grace and don’t go to dating sites for the day.

Tomorrow is another new day and I’m getting closer to my man. I can almost see his smile. Touch his face. Kiss him. Hug him. I want him so much.

Today I am practising having compassion to my inner child.

I am grateful for a hot shower.

Today, I am beautiful.

Change this area allows me to have compassion towards myself.

Today I am practising looking after myself.

Stu was with me while I climbed the ABC. He’s such a great friend. I’m so glad that I have him in my life.

Today I am practising being a loving parent to my inner child.

I am grateful for a beautiful day.

Today, I am amazing.

Change this area allows me to feel more confident.

Today I am practising feeling the love from my friends.

I’ve wanted to do this since the moment I saw you. The he kissed me on my lips. It was my first kiss and it was wonderful. His lips are so soft. I’m so happy.

Today I’m practising being a parent that I deserve.

I’m grateful for a healthy body.

Today, I am loving to my child.

Change in this area allows me to have the love I deserve.

Today I’m practising seeing the beauty in my child and love her unconditionally.

I trust my intuition. I feel at peace when saying goodbye to a man. My intuition told me he isn’t a match.

He’s nice but boring. I want someone who is interesting.

I watched the trauma film yesterday and it brought out so much trauma I’ve experienced before. My mum was just like my dad, she belittled, humiliated and ignored me when I was growing up. I also watched her being belittled and humiliated by my father.
None of them were doing it on purpose to hurt me but what they did did hurt me.
So to protect myself, I see myself as insignificant and unworthy. I desperately want others to respect me to compensate being belittled. So when others don’t respect me, I take it personally. My parents never said I’m beautiful. They talked about my crooked teeth and even showed others my crooked teeth. I wasn’t allowed to have long hair because the shape of my head is funny. I watched my mum brushing and braided my sister’s long hair while I was forced to have my hair cut regularly.
Growing up, I was never enough.
I can forgive but I can’t forget.
I may be a difficult child but I still was a child who wants unconditional love and attention.
So from now on, I don’t wanna force myself to build a different kind of relationship with my mum. I find when I force myself and feel the need to get it done, I betray myself and I feel bad.
I wanna create a loving relationship between me and my inner child as I think for now, it’s far more important.
Also, I am gonna stop feeling bad for not having a close relationship with my mum as I wanna accept myself.

Today I’m practising being a parent.

I’m grateful for a restful day.

Today, I am a good parent

Change in this area allows me to feel secure and loved.

Today I’m practising when I’m about to criticise myself, I stop and put my hand on my chest and be the loving parent I want.

My Ollie left today with his new owner. I am so so so sad! As soon as he left, I sat on the sofa and cried. I knew I’d be upset but I didn’t expect to be this upset. It’s like part of me went with him. I cried cleaning his room, I cried while cooking. I know he went to a good home and I’m happy for him but I’m still sad. He’s like my baby. My love for him is unconditional.