Good day.

I decided to cut my holiday a day short. I really didn’t enjoy my Airbnb in Bundaberg. It’s the first time that I cut my holiday short and it felt a bit weird. But I wanna listen to my inner voice.

Had a great session with Rechelle. My inner child keeps reminding me that I’m inferior because I’m Asian but we’re all the same. I’m more attracted to Caucasians and it’s perfectly normal. Who says it’s wrong and why would I care about what they say. It’s my life.

Finally the trip is done. The four hour boat ride was horrible and although I took motion sickness tablets, I still got sick.

It was an interesting trip but I don’t think it’s worth the discomfort.

I got home and watched Killing Eve. Love the show and Sandra Oh. She’s amazing. She really inspires me as she definitely isn’t the most beautiful but she still gets to have the titled role.

I think I often see myself Asian as inferior. Why? Years of conditioning. In Taiwan, we see Caucasian as superior. Something needs to be changed.

Booked a tour to Lady Musgrave island and immediately felt the anxiety bubbling up. I know it’s because of the four hour boat ride.

I was thinking of doing a scuba diving but the previous dive was so awful. It triggered a panic attack which never happened before. I’ve always known that I’m an anxious diver as I couldn’t quite master my buoyancy.

In the end, I decided to give up the scuba diving and just do snorkelling. I didn’t have my dive certificate with me anyway.

I remember when I went to a diving trip with Debbie. I was really struggling the whole time but I pushed it through. Debbie said she really thought I would give up. It’s me. I always push it through. I don’t like giving up. I especially like to challenge myself and put myself in a stressful situation.

It’s as if when my life is too easy, I get bored. Sometimes I wonder, why couldn’t I just be in my comfort zone and be happy about it.

I just can’t. Part of me likes the feeling of expanding my comfort zone.

Went to Bundaberg distillery and it was fun. I felt like a tourist here.

I bought two sets of liqueur. One for myself. One for Vivian. Unfortunately, I dropped one when I went into the Airbnb. All the liqueur spilled out. I had to clean the floor. Sigh…

I realised that when I noticed my mistake, I simply went into a action mode. I didn’t waste time to be angry or blame myself. It happened, and now I need to clean it up.

I wonder if it was someone else making the mistake, would I still be this calm?

Watched Before Sunrise again and I was in love again. There’s so much love and spark between Jesse and Celine.

It reminds me of when I met Alan in San Francisco. Looking back, I now know that he liked me. I wasn’t aware at all then as I was so inexperienced.

His now wife is very beautiful. Sometimes I think back of the men who likes me, their partners are often quite beautiful. That means I’m also beautiful. A reminder to myself.

I’m loved. I’m safe. I’m ok.

Today I am practising loving myself.

I am grateful for my reliable car.

Today I am amazing.

Change in this area allows me to feel lovable.

Today I am practising when feeling tired, I rest.

I’m loved. I’m safe. I’m ok.

Today I am practising loving myself.

I am grateful for my body.

Today I am amazing.

Change in this area allows me to feel free.

Today I am practising when feeling tired, I rest.

I’m loved. I’m safe. I’m ok.

Today I am practising loving myself.

I am grateful for my apartment.

Today I am beautiful.

Change in this area allows me to feel awesome.

Today I am practising when feeling like watch TV, I do it.

I’m loved. I’m safe. I’m ok.

Today I am practising being ok with my decision.

I am grateful for myself.

Today I am beautiful.

Change in this area allows me to feel at peace.

Today I am practising when feeling peaceful, I savour it.