I’m feeling calm and at peace and I want men to feel the same.

Remember my uniqueness. There’s only one me and that’s my biggest asset.

Be compassionate. Lead by example.

Remember your worth. Always!

So Jeremy didn’t reply and the time ran out. Ah well. I did my best. Couple of men also didn’t reply and let the time run out. I can’t even remember their names anyway. I know I did my best and I refuse to take it personally.

Three men replied though.

Oliver- I believe I messaged him before but then I removed him as he didn’t show much enthusiasm and kinda oozing out low energy. I’m curious about how it goes this time round. I don’t care if we’re gonna meet.

Gareth- hmmm, not the type I’d usually message but I wanna see how it goes. Besides, I wanna practise being curious and how to flirt. So far, I don’t care if we’re gonna meet.

Scott- seems like a decent man. Works as a firework displayer and a life coach. I noticed I started going to fantasy land so I really have to keep checking in with myself and see things as they are. Also, stay at present. I also noticed he doesn’t ask me questions. Normally this situation would piss me off and I’d remove him. But let’s see! I wanna lead by example.

I’m pretty pleased with myself so far. Daily chanting and meditate does help calm me down and keep me grounded. I now think before I reply.

At one of my clients, the carer is from Ireland and I kinda find him attractive. But every time I see him, we’re in a work environment so I have to be professional and only talk about the client. I wonder if I’ll ever bump into him outside of work?

I love the feeling of finding someone attractive. Butterfly in my stomach!

I know I’m meeting the love of my life soon as this time, I’m committed to it and to myself. I’m gonna make myself proud!

I’m grateful for the clean floor. I’m grateful for the summer. I’m grateful for my muscular legs. I’m grateful for pain free life. I’m grateful for myself.

Every passing day means I’m one day closer to meet the love of my life to build a loving family.

Keep up the good energy. Remember the feeling when you have what you want. You feel calm and grounded. You feel at peace.

You deserve to have what you want. Keep going. Don’t give up.

Do it everyday no matter what.

I’m changing my mindset now and I’m gonna stick to this new mindset. Journaling is a good way to remind myself.

So today I have a new match on Bumble, Jeremy. I read what he wrote on his profile and complimented him accordingly. I feel when I give my best, if it’s not working or he’s not replying, I’m ok with that. If he replies, then I’ll think about the next step. I’m doing it day by day. I’m practising getting to know the man and flirt with them online. I’m not worrying about whether we’re gonna meet.

I just went to check on Bumble and suddenly I have four new matches. I’m following the new method now. See what it’ll bring me.

Bugger! Had to remove one match as he’s a smoker. It’s one of my non negotiables. No smokers.

I’m grateful for my perfect health. I’m grateful for the rain. I’m grateful for my work. I’m grateful for Jenna Kutcher. I’m grateful for my hearing.

Up until now, I had been unlucky in love. I had my first kiss when I was 25 in San Francisco. My first boyfriend at 29. My first intercourse at 30. A late bloomer they say. I’ve been searching for the love of my life for a very long time. This year I’m 40. I had my second proper boyfriend at the age of 35. Both of my proper relationships were short lived. First one a month, and the second one 6 weeks. I’ll talk about my previous relationships later.

I’ve been doing online dating for over a year, so far, most dates stayed at first. None proceed to third. Why? I wonder. They’re not my match! Bill the journalist lacks confidence. And he talks non stop. Over the phone, he sounds relax and intelligent but in person, I could hardly hear anything he says coz he just mumbling and mumbling. It drives me crazy. Heath from Mackay makes me very uncomfortable on our second date. The way he talks about his colleagues is so arrogant. With his bogan accent, I couldn’t stand it.

Now I know I live in Australia but I don’t find Australian accent attractive. I can handle refined Australian accent but the bogan one, a huge turn off.

Today, my Bumble match became zero. Men unmatched me as well as I unmatched them. I felt very down when this guy, Jason I think, unmatched me as I think we had something in common. However, something in him makes me uneasy. I think it’s how he described ebooks being crappy. I disagreed with him. A book is a book regardless the form. The context is the most important thing. He said he acknowledged crappy is a strong word but didn’t apologise. He then processed to argue with me about why physical books is better. I didn’t want to argue so I proposed agree to disagree. We exchanged a few messages on the first day and none in day 2. Today is day 3 as I thought I might drop him a line, he was long gone. Although I wasn’t particularly interested in him, it hit me. Why? My ego! My bloody ego. I want men to show interest and initiate. Why do they wait for me to initiate when I have already initiate the first message? Maybe he’s just not interested. Maybe he’s gay. Maybe he’s found someone. Whatever the reason, he’s not my match. I move on. Nothing good coming out on dwelling on it.

To cheer myself up, I listened to podcasts. I like what this lady says. Have very little exception when online dating so I don’t get hurt easily. Matthew also said, don’t get upset over someone hasn’t even met me yet coz they don’t know what a high value woman I am. They have no idea what they’ve just missed. It’s true. This Jason guy, I don’t even know if his name is actually Jason or his age. He’s just a blur in my memory and I was upset over a blur person. How stupid is that. Didn’t I make the agreement of Never taking things personally and Don’t make assumption. I don’t know him at all. I don’t know why he unmatched me. He has his reason and it’s got nothing to do with me.

I can’t stand men asking me how’s my day, weekend, my plan for the weekend…. I find them sooooo fucking boring. It’s like they have nothing better to say and they brain fills with air. It’s a huge turn off. I know I’m being judgemental but really, couldn’t they come up with something interesting. Like read my profile and say something about my profile.

I like intelligent man. My dating coach said, intelligence can’t give me a loving family, kindness and compassion can. I disagreed. I can have them all. I know plenty of men are intelligent, kind and compassionate. Do I want a kind and compassionate man but dumb and air headed? No. I want a man who strives to better himself as well as kind and compassionate.

Anyway, after work, I had my daily meditation and felt so much better. The universe is always talking to me. I know I’m on my way to meet my husband with whom we’ll form a loving family.